Age
The other night my girlfriend Brenna and I were lying in bed, and she asked me, “Where do you see yourself when you’re thirty?”
I didn’t have an answer.
There’s a picture of me when I was around eight or nine years old. I’m wearing blue jeans and a black t-shirt under a denim jacket. I have sunglasses on inside and I am leaning against the wall with my arms crossed in an imitation of what I thought it meant to look “cool.”
Sometime around that age I remember having a dream where I pictured myself as a high schooler. The image was like something out of Riverdale, or Twin Peaks. I imagined myself as one of those motorcycle riding badass loners, leaning against a tree outside of the high school watching all the other kids walk by. I was wearing a bandana around my head. That’s all I remember.
Some people have a clear vision of what they want to be when they grow up. There was a project I did in the first grade where we had to draw what we wanted to be when we were older. At first I drew an army man, and then I turned the page around and drew a cop. I ended up going to college for theatre.. So.
On January 24th, I will turn 26 years old. There is nothing sexy about turning 26. When you turn 16 you get your driver's license. At 18 you can vote, play the lotto, and buy cigarettes. 21 means you can buy alcohol and go to bars. 25 you can rent a car! 26 just means you have to get your own health insurance.
Like I said, I studied theatre in college. I remember one night my Dad was driving me back to school, and I told him, “Dad I will be looking for a job for the rest of my life.” My father, who worked at the same insurance company for 35 years, didn’t like that, but I felt like a badass saying it. Now as a soon to be uninsured 26 year old I realize why that statement made him uncomfortable.
So I don’t have an answer to Brenna’s question “Where do you see yourself at 30?” I know she wants to start saving to buy a house, and move out of the city. She probably wants to start thinking about settling down, scheduling major milestones. All of that sounds awesome, but the only plans I feel like I ever really had for myself were to wear a jean jacket and not have a steady job. Right now I work a steady job that doesn’t provide benefits, and don’t really wear jean jackets. I certainly don’t ride motorcycles.
But I think that may be ok. I will have to purchase a plan for my health insurance, and then life will go on. Eventually thirty will come, and I will be somewhere. Hopefully. But The question has made me realize that I do have the chance to look ahead and decide. By asking me that question Brenna made me realize I can ask myself the same. Time is gonna keep moving forward, where do I want it to take me?